ENCAPSULATION — TAPES #183 & #184
Q: Mark Russell Bell
T: Tany Soussana, book publicist
Q: So it's February the 11th and I'm in the Hotline. It's a slow day. I'm the only one here . . . I had a rough call from a man who just found out he's probably got full-blown AIDS and his wife probably is positive too.
Tony Trupiano's producer wanted to speak to me so I telephoned him. I didn't record it: "I'm not going to tape it because it will be very repetitive but I'll let you know what happened . . . By the way, the tagline for Tony Trupiano's show is 'The most positive radio show in America' or something so that's curious. Of all the people I've sent my famous cover letter to, he's the first one to respond so maybe there's some connection.'"
Q: Also in The Hotline Herald of February 1997, "a Newsletter of AIDS Project Los Angeles," under the column "A Little Bit of Gossip," it says: "Mark Russell just had his book Testament published. It is available at the Bodhi Tree Bookstore. Congratulations, Mark!" The Southern California HIV/AIDS Hotline had received 3,092 calls in January and only one person hadn't been reached during callbacks.
Q: So it's Wednesday and I got up nervously — about my radio interview. And waited and waited. I didn't have breakfast because I was too nervous and they never called. So finally at 9:45 I called the studio line that Steve had given me and whoever answered the phone couldn't find him but did say that they had my right number. So I said, "Well is it going to happen today? Is it still going to happen today?" And he said, "No, I don't think it's going to happen today. ("BUT") Steve will call you."
Q: So he did call — Steve called and he was very nice. He said that she (show host Darian O'Toole) wasn't feeling very well . . . So, anyway, it looks like we're going to do it on Monday instead, which is the Presidents Day holiday. So I don't know if that's good or bad — a better audience or not. So maybe a little bit earlier than on Monday.
My friend Larry had left Rogers & Cowan. The chain of events resulted with my friend Jennifer also no longer working there.
My mother was chronically ill and I was trying to help her find a solution as she couldn't live independently anymore. I discussed a retirement home with her yet she said that she would rather die than live in one of those places.
Q: . . . I received my tape recorder back from Dictaphone and they replaced it. They didn't even charge me any money. I just can't believe that people would be so nice. It really restores my faith in large companies. I don't even know if it was covered under my agreement. ("BECAUSE") It really was something that might not have been covered. I mean dropping something. But they sent me a brand new — they replaced the whole machine and it's an $800 machine. I just can't — I just can't believe that there's a company that's so nice. Of course, I thank 'Michael' too. ("BU[T]") It just shows you that there are some people who honor their commitments, whatever they may be.
Q: By the way, Marie said she met a Creole singer named Boozoo Chavis.
Q: Now guess what happened. Fiona called me to tell me about the party and she said that my books at the Psychic Eye are now in a very prominent position on the new table; however, when they opened up one of the books out of the plastic the pages started falling out. Can you believe it. This is exactly one of the things that I've been worried about. So I said I have over 4,000 copies so they all can't be bad.
On Thursday I made telephone calls to learn how I could have my book listed for sale with bookstores and distributors after finding information about them online.
My mother told me she was going to end her Meals on Wheels service and said it would still be a few months before she was better according to an internist she saw. This period in my life became that was perhaps the most difficult phase for me emotionally concerning my relationship with my personal 'guide in Oneness.' Book sales expectations for Testament didn't come to fruition and I realized that potentially all of the expenses bringing the book to publication would result with no substantial return income for me; nonetheless, I always knew the importance of making all the information about myself available online for everyone on a noncommercial basis. I mentioned, "I'm very emotional though. Not always loving. It's (sometimes) hard to love an omnipotent Force when you can't tell what the reaction is to every little thing and 'They' can tell what yours is. I just hear that song a lot on the radio. 'Because You Loved Me.'" The song expressed some of my hopes and feelings.
I made a painting for 'Michael' for Valentine's Day as I had done the previous year. "I'm going to make my version of 'The Tree of Life' as a valentine for 'Michael' . . . I've also been reading a book with a Valentine's Day theme — which I found at The Psychic Eye when I dropped off my books . . . It's a poetry book by H. Alan Nicolette entitled Love's Roses are Red."
Q: I have to get a costume to wear to the party tomorrow — an Egyptian costume, if possible. So I'm going to call around about that. And then I said, 'I have to call and speak to Tany at Rogers & Cowan who handles books.' I've been meaning to do that. I did and we're going to have lunch today. Can you believe it? This has got to be it (a stepping stone to publicizing the book). So I'm making her a little presentation kit now. She wants to do something already even though I think I said I couldn't afford her . . .
Tany Soussana's office was full of client's books and on the wall was a Manet museum print and a John Lennon "Imagine" poster with his quote "You may say I'm a dreamer but I'm not the only one." Tany returned from the meeting as I was pointing out to her assistant skywriting of a heart shape that an airplane was making in the sky for Valentine's Day. After having distributed the book to interview participants, etc., few shared their response to the book with me. People seemed more interested in my entertainment industry career than the fact that I was sharing firsthand details of interaction with the God Force. The awareness of people's inability to conceive of what for me was simple reality wasn't entirely unexpected — this potentiality was the reason I'd published the book in a documentary style.
Meeting Tany at the restaurant, I first showed her my new state-of-the-art microcassette tape recorder. There is a background chatter ambiance as usual for restaurant interviews. Although there are forms of EVP messages with distinct chacteristics in relation to audibility, some EVP messages may have been mistaken for background conversation and ignored inappropriately. The EVP words are capitalized and in parentheses as usual with these transcripts. (* Indicates where some unattributed sounds are heard on the tape)
Q: ("YOU KNOW") . . . Reading up about Michael, some people have called Him 'The Holy Ghost.' Then He would be in everyone's life if that were the case.
T: He's always been in my life and I'm grateful to him for it. And He's my dearest friend.
Q: Oh I mean the Spirit now.
T: Okay well —
Q: ("YOUR BRO") My brother? Oh that's nice.
T: He's a sweetheart.
Q: ("EVERY") Everyone loves Michael.
T: ("HE'S A") He is the best. He is the best. But, anyway, here's the story that happened. Some time ago I went to see a friend. And on my way over to see her — I just called her. She has two lines. I called her on one line—her direct line where she normally picks up the phone—to say, you know, "I'm on my way." She didn't pick up her direct line so I called her voicemail line. ("WE'RE") There are two separate phone numbers. So obviously one number would've cancelled out the other number. ("YOU'LL) This will all make sense when I get to the punch line. So I finally get to her. And we're sitting here. We're chatting. We're talking. We're doing whatever. (*) And all of a sudden her phone rang. And she just has it ring and ring and ring. I said, "Aren't you going to pick up your phone?" She goes, "Oh no, I'm not worried about it. I got 'star 69.'" ("I") You know, that's the call return.
Q: Right.
T: ("SO") you know how that works. Hit star 69 and you get your call back so you don't have to worry about the phone and somebody not leaving a message. So, anyway, so she goes back — you know, the phone stopped ringing. She goes back to her phone. Nobody — well obviously — because she — they called her on her direct line where there is no voicemail. So she went back to that line. She hit star 69. And she had it on 'speakerphone.' And what do I hear? It's my voicemail at home. My machine. And I said, "Are you calling me?" She goes, "No, I'm calling star 69." And, you know, I said, "That's me. That's my voice." She goes, "That couldn't be because you're over here. How did you make that call?" I said, "Exactly." Now we're getting into this — you know, this funny business. And she goes, "Well that couldn't be because" you know. She goes, "The only way that would have happened if maybe your cats hit" — because I have two cats at home and they're always playing around the phone and the answering machine — "They probably hit the ("THE RE") redial button. I said —"
Q: Is one of them black?
T: No.
Q: Oh.
T: No. They're gorgeous.
Q: All my friends have black cats.
T: Oh. Lovely. Anyway —
Q: Or is this one white?
T: Gray. They're both gray. They're sweetie-pies. Michael has seen them. And — ("LO[VE]") so, anyway, she goes, "Well then they probably just jumped on the redial button." I said, "I don't have a redial button." She goes, "Well the only way that this could have happened is, you know, if you had somebody there." She didn't feel that was it.
Q: But Michael said to me — he said that —
T: Did Michael tell you about this?
Q: He mentioned something like 'something weird going on' and he said you had the idea that something was trying to communicate with you.
T: Exactly.
Q: ("AND HH" "WILL") How did that ("WE") — what impression — I mean what led you to that?
T: So, anyway, so that was one instance. Okay? ("I — I") When you can't figure ([DIFFERENT EVP VOICE "I") something out you kind of let it go and you move on with your life. Anyway, so sure enough — so that was one night. The next night I went to see the movie "Michael" (*) of all things — okay? Now it gets interesting. I'm sitting there watching this angel movie. (*) 'Oh my God' — because I couldn't let go what happened the night before. ("I" "I WAS") You know I was — I was trying to figure out how did that happen? (*) And I thought you know what, even if I did have a redial button there's no way that the redial would have been the (or "THE") — her direct number ("BELL") because remember I called two numbers. And the fr[iend] — You know what I mean?
Q: You don't have to convince me.
T: Okay, good. Okay, you know.
Q: (laughs) Not after all I've been through.
T: Yes. (* "I") So I'm watching "Michael" and like a bolt of lightning as I'm sitting there in the theater it just dawned on me — wait a minute. What if it's an angel? And it just hit me ("LIKE") — you know what? It wasn't even a question any more. I knew it had to be an angel.
Q: See, that's another thing I'm revealing in my book is that these leaps in consciousness also are a gift from God actually. Our whole — when we have these moments of consciousness. ("BA") They too are a gift.
T: Really. It just —
Q: Because why else would you have had that leap — ("OF") intuition?
T: 'Wait a minute.' Yes. It just hit me.
Q: Right. ("C" or "SEE")
T: It came out of left field. I didn't see it coming.
Q: That's what happened to me. ("TIMID" "BUT")
T: But I didn't even question — 'Nah, it couldn't have been that.' It was almost like (*) that was a firm belief in my mind. So of course I came home vehemently after the theater and I just swung open the door. I felt like such a fool — [it] was like I was ready to deal with it. But of course me I'm the biggest chicken . . . I was like you know really anxiety-stricken. And, anyways, nothing happened. I ended up sleeping, you know, that night not in my bedroom. I slept on the floor of the living room because I was ("YOU KNOW") scared — with all the lights on. I flooded the house.
Q: No.
T: Left the TV going. The whole nine yards.
Q: Oh my gosh.
T: So — but that was — okay so that was one night. Then the next day — you know it's work and I'm at the office. And I'm coming home. And I get the mail in my, you know, my regular mailbox. And one of the things I get in the mail is this postcard. It's just a regular flyer — something about blue angel. And I thought, 'Nah, it's just, you know, just a coincidence. ("I") So I threw all my mail on the bed and I left the bedroom for a second. I came back in and guess what was on the floor. My blue angel postcard just on the floor. ("IT'S LIKE") Out of all the mail that could have fallen on the floor, why just this one piece? Okay? So I thought, 'Okay, somebody's trying to tell me something. Let's let it alone at that.' Then later on — now the week is going on. ("RIGHT")
Q: Michael has done that with me before too.
T: Huh? Okay. ("BUT YOU")
Q: Postcards.
T: ("OKAY") You see what I mean? And — and at this point I'm still anxiety-stricken. I'm still not — barely sleeping in my bedroom. I'm sleeping with all the lights flooding the apartment — ("THE") the noise going on. Because I didn't want to be in the vibration of the quiet. You know what I mean?
Q: ("YEAH" "WELL") You didn't know how sweet he was or you wouldn't —
T: I mean you know. (*) I knew it was an angel but still I didn't want to deal with the confrontation. I was talking to a girlfriend. She goes, "Yeah but" — she goes, "You heard about the angel Gabriel? Even in the Bible it says 'Fear me not.'" And really ("UM-HUH") — but, you know — but of course ("I'M") because they're coming from a different plane it's scary stuff. ("VIOLENT") It's different. ("CRY") It's a different business. ("BUT")
Q: Right.
T: So sure enough I, you know, kind of let it go. The rest of the week I went on. All week everything was normal at work. And then by the time I was heading home I was always going through anxiety attacks, going 'I —' ("GOT TO" "YOU KNOW") it wasn't like going home to my home anymore. It was like I was sharing it with somebody I didn't even know. So sure enough — ("YOU WERE" "COPY LAW") um — ("BUT YOU") oh. So one morning — ("AGAIN" "YOU KNOW") I had this dining table set. Just like ("KI[ND]" — better than this obviously. ("BUT") Something with four chairs and on one chair of these four chairs I always put a blanket on it. And me, I'm very methodical about everything in every place and every place for everything — you know, that type of thing? I'm crazy that way. I'm very systematic. You know what I mean? I had this blanket on the same chair for the longest time. And then one day I came into my dining area and ("THE CHAIR") the blanket was on the wrong chair. I mean it's know big deal when you think (*) — but I knew ("RIGH[T]") because I'm so anal about these things ("I" *) 'wait a minute.' So I let it — I let it go. And then I went on with my merry day. I went to the office. But as I got in the car that morning to start the ignition to go to work that morning — this is on a Friday now. This is the culmination of the whole week that started one weekend at my friend and now I'm on the end of that week getting ready to enter ("TRY") the next weekend. ("CHAIN") I get in my car and, Mark, you're not going to believe what happened.
Q: I believe it. Is it a . . . ("STORE") Yeah.
T: I get in my car. And I turn on the ignition. (*) And I'm sandwiched between two parked cars. We're all parked on the ("RIGHT" "YOU KNOW") street. A residential street. Apartment buildings and stuff. What do I see? A license plate. And you know what the license plate said? Guess.
Q: Angel?
T: Close. "Treat me like an angel and I'll take you to Heaven." In other words, stop running away from me.
Q: Exactly.
T: Right?
Q: ("BUT SEE") Now —
T: 'Accept me.'
Q: Right.
T: At that point I just burst out in tears on my way to the office at this point. And I just finally broke out and I ("YOU KNOW") you know in a prayer request to God just basically said, ("OK" "NOTHING") 'I know something's going on. Somebody's trying to give me a message. I'm ready to accept it now because I'm not going to run . . .
Q: He wants you to help me with my book.
T: You think so? I don't know.
Q: Definitely.
T: But anyway so I kind of put out this prayer. ("GO") And then that was on Friday morning going to work. And then the next day I felt kind of relieved going home. I was okay about it because I felt, 'Listen, let's do a formal introduction ("YOU KNOW") but just do it easy. And do it in broad daylight so I can handle' — I mean I was getting silly about it. ("I")
Q: Well it's much more far-ranging than you think. (*) In terms of the synch — you're very good at finding synchronicity.
T: Yes.
Q: But once after you've read my book it'll do you much better because I noticed the John Lennon 'Imagine" poster in your office . . .
As we spoke a while more, at one point Tany commented, "This is how we're having lunch today. There are no mistakes." Concerning the sequence of 'signs' she'd observed, I said; "Well you can imagine. If you have this angel—he's in your life—he's doing a lot more for you than you could even imagine." When I mentioned her resemblance to the actress Diane Keaton, she responded: "I get that all the time. I don't get it." Tany always dressed fashionably and today was wearing what is called a 'choker scarf.' Mentioning the possibility of her becoming my publicist if a major publishing company were to take over printing and distribution of Testament, I shared an overview of the book and described some of the unusual circumstances and synchronicity I'd experienced, such as "Around me there are all these people who either have 'Michael' [or some variation] in their name or the word 'son' or 'man' or, of course, the 'el.'"
Tony Trupiano's producer wanted to speak to me so I telephoned him. I didn't record it: "I'm not going to tape it because it will be very repetitive but I'll let you know what happened . . . By the way, the tagline for Tony Trupiano's show is 'The most positive radio show in America' or something so that's curious. Of all the people I've sent my famous cover letter to, he's the first one to respond so maybe there's some connection.'"
Q: Also in The Hotline Herald of February 1997, "a Newsletter of AIDS Project Los Angeles," under the column "A Little Bit of Gossip," it says: "Mark Russell just had his book Testament published. It is available at the Bodhi Tree Bookstore. Congratulations, Mark!" The Southern California HIV/AIDS Hotline had received 3,092 calls in January and only one person hadn't been reached during callbacks.
Q: So it's Wednesday and I got up nervously — about my radio interview. And waited and waited. I didn't have breakfast because I was too nervous and they never called. So finally at 9:45 I called the studio line that Steve had given me and whoever answered the phone couldn't find him but did say that they had my right number. So I said, "Well is it going to happen today? Is it still going to happen today?" And he said, "No, I don't think it's going to happen today. ("BUT") Steve will call you."
Q: So he did call — Steve called and he was very nice. He said that she (show host Darian O'Toole) wasn't feeling very well . . . So, anyway, it looks like we're going to do it on Monday instead, which is the Presidents Day holiday. So I don't know if that's good or bad — a better audience or not. So maybe a little bit earlier than on Monday.
My friend Larry had left Rogers & Cowan. The chain of events resulted with my friend Jennifer also no longer working there.
My mother was chronically ill and I was trying to help her find a solution as she couldn't live independently anymore. I discussed a retirement home with her yet she said that she would rather die than live in one of those places.
Q: . . . I received my tape recorder back from Dictaphone and they replaced it. They didn't even charge me any money. I just can't believe that people would be so nice. It really restores my faith in large companies. I don't even know if it was covered under my agreement. ("BECAUSE") It really was something that might not have been covered. I mean dropping something. But they sent me a brand new — they replaced the whole machine and it's an $800 machine. I just can't — I just can't believe that there's a company that's so nice. Of course, I thank 'Michael' too. ("BU[T]") It just shows you that there are some people who honor their commitments, whatever they may be.
Q: By the way, Marie said she met a Creole singer named Boozoo Chavis.
Q: Now guess what happened. Fiona called me to tell me about the party and she said that my books at the Psychic Eye are now in a very prominent position on the new table; however, when they opened up one of the books out of the plastic the pages started falling out. Can you believe it. This is exactly one of the things that I've been worried about. So I said I have over 4,000 copies so they all can't be bad.
On Thursday I made telephone calls to learn how I could have my book listed for sale with bookstores and distributors after finding information about them online.
My mother told me she was going to end her Meals on Wheels service and said it would still be a few months before she was better according to an internist she saw. This period in my life became that was perhaps the most difficult phase for me emotionally concerning my relationship with my personal 'guide in Oneness.' Book sales expectations for Testament didn't come to fruition and I realized that potentially all of the expenses bringing the book to publication would result with no substantial return income for me; nonetheless, I always knew the importance of making all the information about myself available online for everyone on a noncommercial basis. I mentioned, "I'm very emotional though. Not always loving. It's (sometimes) hard to love an omnipotent Force when you can't tell what the reaction is to every little thing and 'They' can tell what yours is. I just hear that song a lot on the radio. 'Because You Loved Me.'" The song expressed some of my hopes and feelings.
I made a painting for 'Michael' for Valentine's Day as I had done the previous year. "I'm going to make my version of 'The Tree of Life' as a valentine for 'Michael' . . . I've also been reading a book with a Valentine's Day theme — which I found at The Psychic Eye when I dropped off my books . . . It's a poetry book by H. Alan Nicolette entitled Love's Roses are Red."
Q: I have to get a costume to wear to the party tomorrow — an Egyptian costume, if possible. So I'm going to call around about that. And then I said, 'I have to call and speak to Tany at Rogers & Cowan who handles books.' I've been meaning to do that. I did and we're going to have lunch today. Can you believe it? This has got to be it (a stepping stone to publicizing the book). So I'm making her a little presentation kit now. She wants to do something already even though I think I said I couldn't afford her . . .
Tany Soussana's office was full of client's books and on the wall was a Manet museum print and a John Lennon "Imagine" poster with his quote "You may say I'm a dreamer but I'm not the only one." Tany returned from the meeting as I was pointing out to her assistant skywriting of a heart shape that an airplane was making in the sky for Valentine's Day. After having distributed the book to interview participants, etc., few shared their response to the book with me. People seemed more interested in my entertainment industry career than the fact that I was sharing firsthand details of interaction with the God Force. The awareness of people's inability to conceive of what for me was simple reality wasn't entirely unexpected — this potentiality was the reason I'd published the book in a documentary style.
Meeting Tany at the restaurant, I first showed her my new state-of-the-art microcassette tape recorder. There is a background chatter ambiance as usual for restaurant interviews. Although there are forms of EVP messages with distinct chacteristics in relation to audibility, some EVP messages may have been mistaken for background conversation and ignored inappropriately. The EVP words are capitalized and in parentheses as usual with these transcripts. (* Indicates where some unattributed sounds are heard on the tape)
Q: ("YOU KNOW") . . . Reading up about Michael, some people have called Him 'The Holy Ghost.' Then He would be in everyone's life if that were the case.
T: He's always been in my life and I'm grateful to him for it. And He's my dearest friend.
Q: Oh I mean the Spirit now.
T: Okay well —
Q: ("YOUR BRO") My brother? Oh that's nice.
T: He's a sweetheart.
Q: ("EVERY") Everyone loves Michael.
T: ("HE'S A") He is the best. He is the best. But, anyway, here's the story that happened. Some time ago I went to see a friend. And on my way over to see her — I just called her. She has two lines. I called her on one line—her direct line where she normally picks up the phone—to say, you know, "I'm on my way." She didn't pick up her direct line so I called her voicemail line. ("WE'RE") There are two separate phone numbers. So obviously one number would've cancelled out the other number. ("YOU'LL) This will all make sense when I get to the punch line. So I finally get to her. And we're sitting here. We're chatting. We're talking. We're doing whatever. (*) And all of a sudden her phone rang. And she just has it ring and ring and ring. I said, "Aren't you going to pick up your phone?" She goes, "Oh no, I'm not worried about it. I got 'star 69.'" ("I") You know, that's the call return.
Q: Right.
T: ("SO") you know how that works. Hit star 69 and you get your call back so you don't have to worry about the phone and somebody not leaving a message. So, anyway, so she goes back — you know, the phone stopped ringing. She goes back to her phone. Nobody — well obviously — because she — they called her on her direct line where there is no voicemail. So she went back to that line. She hit star 69. And she had it on 'speakerphone.' And what do I hear? It's my voicemail at home. My machine. And I said, "Are you calling me?" She goes, "No, I'm calling star 69." And, you know, I said, "That's me. That's my voice." She goes, "That couldn't be because you're over here. How did you make that call?" I said, "Exactly." Now we're getting into this — you know, this funny business. And she goes, "Well that couldn't be because" you know. She goes, "The only way that would have happened if maybe your cats hit" — because I have two cats at home and they're always playing around the phone and the answering machine — "They probably hit the ("THE RE") redial button. I said —"
Q: Is one of them black?
T: No.
Q: Oh.
T: No. They're gorgeous.
Q: All my friends have black cats.
T: Oh. Lovely. Anyway —
Q: Or is this one white?
T: Gray. They're both gray. They're sweetie-pies. Michael has seen them. And — ("LO[VE]") so, anyway, she goes, "Well then they probably just jumped on the redial button." I said, "I don't have a redial button." She goes, "Well the only way that this could have happened is, you know, if you had somebody there." She didn't feel that was it.
Q: But Michael said to me — he said that —
T: Did Michael tell you about this?
Q: He mentioned something like 'something weird going on' and he said you had the idea that something was trying to communicate with you.
T: Exactly.
Q: ("AND HH" "WILL") How did that ("WE") — what impression — I mean what led you to that?
T: So, anyway, so that was one instance. Okay? ("I — I") When you can't figure ([DIFFERENT EVP VOICE "I") something out you kind of let it go and you move on with your life. Anyway, so sure enough — so that was one night. The next night I went to see the movie "Michael" (*) of all things — okay? Now it gets interesting. I'm sitting there watching this angel movie. (*) 'Oh my God' — because I couldn't let go what happened the night before. ("I" "I WAS") You know I was — I was trying to figure out how did that happen? (*) And I thought you know what, even if I did have a redial button there's no way that the redial would have been the (or "THE") — her direct number ("BELL") because remember I called two numbers. And the fr[iend] — You know what I mean?
Q: You don't have to convince me.
T: Okay, good. Okay, you know.
Q: (laughs) Not after all I've been through.
T: Yes. (* "I") So I'm watching "Michael" and like a bolt of lightning as I'm sitting there in the theater it just dawned on me — wait a minute. What if it's an angel? And it just hit me ("LIKE") — you know what? It wasn't even a question any more. I knew it had to be an angel.
Q: See, that's another thing I'm revealing in my book is that these leaps in consciousness also are a gift from God actually. Our whole — when we have these moments of consciousness. ("BA") They too are a gift.
T: Really. It just —
Q: Because why else would you have had that leap — ("OF") intuition?
T: 'Wait a minute.' Yes. It just hit me.
Q: Right. ("C" or "SEE")
T: It came out of left field. I didn't see it coming.
Q: That's what happened to me. ("TIMID" "BUT")
T: But I didn't even question — 'Nah, it couldn't have been that.' It was almost like (*) that was a firm belief in my mind. So of course I came home vehemently after the theater and I just swung open the door. I felt like such a fool — [it] was like I was ready to deal with it. But of course me I'm the biggest chicken . . . I was like you know really anxiety-stricken. And, anyways, nothing happened. I ended up sleeping, you know, that night not in my bedroom. I slept on the floor of the living room because I was ("YOU KNOW") scared — with all the lights on. I flooded the house.
Q: No.
T: Left the TV going. The whole nine yards.
Q: Oh my gosh.
T: So — but that was — okay so that was one night. Then the next day — you know it's work and I'm at the office. And I'm coming home. And I get the mail in my, you know, my regular mailbox. And one of the things I get in the mail is this postcard. It's just a regular flyer — something about blue angel. And I thought, 'Nah, it's just, you know, just a coincidence. ("I") So I threw all my mail on the bed and I left the bedroom for a second. I came back in and guess what was on the floor. My blue angel postcard just on the floor. ("IT'S LIKE") Out of all the mail that could have fallen on the floor, why just this one piece? Okay? So I thought, 'Okay, somebody's trying to tell me something. Let's let it alone at that.' Then later on — now the week is going on. ("RIGHT")
Q: Michael has done that with me before too.
T: Huh? Okay. ("BUT YOU")
Q: Postcards.
T: ("OKAY") You see what I mean? And — and at this point I'm still anxiety-stricken. I'm still not — barely sleeping in my bedroom. I'm sleeping with all the lights flooding the apartment — ("THE") the noise going on. Because I didn't want to be in the vibration of the quiet. You know what I mean?
Q: ("YEAH" "WELL") You didn't know how sweet he was or you wouldn't —
T: I mean you know. (*) I knew it was an angel but still I didn't want to deal with the confrontation. I was talking to a girlfriend. She goes, "Yeah but" — she goes, "You heard about the angel Gabriel? Even in the Bible it says 'Fear me not.'" And really ("UM-HUH") — but, you know — but of course ("I'M") because they're coming from a different plane it's scary stuff. ("VIOLENT") It's different. ("CRY") It's a different business. ("BUT")
Q: Right.
T: So sure enough I, you know, kind of let it go. The rest of the week I went on. All week everything was normal at work. And then by the time I was heading home I was always going through anxiety attacks, going 'I —' ("GOT TO" "YOU KNOW") it wasn't like going home to my home anymore. It was like I was sharing it with somebody I didn't even know. So sure enough — ("YOU WERE" "COPY LAW") um — ("BUT YOU") oh. So one morning — ("AGAIN" "YOU KNOW") I had this dining table set. Just like ("KI[ND]" — better than this obviously. ("BUT") Something with four chairs and on one chair of these four chairs I always put a blanket on it. And me, I'm very methodical about everything in every place and every place for everything — you know, that type of thing? I'm crazy that way. I'm very systematic. You know what I mean? I had this blanket on the same chair for the longest time. And then one day I came into my dining area and ("THE CHAIR") the blanket was on the wrong chair. I mean it's know big deal when you think (*) — but I knew ("RIGH[T]") because I'm so anal about these things ("I" *) 'wait a minute.' So I let it — I let it go. And then I went on with my merry day. I went to the office. But as I got in the car that morning to start the ignition to go to work that morning — this is on a Friday now. This is the culmination of the whole week that started one weekend at my friend and now I'm on the end of that week getting ready to enter ("TRY") the next weekend. ("CHAIN") I get in my car and, Mark, you're not going to believe what happened.
Q: I believe it. Is it a . . . ("STORE") Yeah.
T: I get in my car. And I turn on the ignition. (*) And I'm sandwiched between two parked cars. We're all parked on the ("RIGHT" "YOU KNOW") street. A residential street. Apartment buildings and stuff. What do I see? A license plate. And you know what the license plate said? Guess.
Q: Angel?
T: Close. "Treat me like an angel and I'll take you to Heaven." In other words, stop running away from me.
Q: Exactly.
T: Right?
Q: ("BUT SEE") Now —
T: 'Accept me.'
Q: Right.
T: At that point I just burst out in tears on my way to the office at this point. And I just finally broke out and I ("YOU KNOW") you know in a prayer request to God just basically said, ("OK" "NOTHING") 'I know something's going on. Somebody's trying to give me a message. I'm ready to accept it now because I'm not going to run . . .
Q: He wants you to help me with my book.
T: You think so? I don't know.
Q: Definitely.
T: But anyway so I kind of put out this prayer. ("GO") And then that was on Friday morning going to work. And then the next day I felt kind of relieved going home. I was okay about it because I felt, 'Listen, let's do a formal introduction ("YOU KNOW") but just do it easy. And do it in broad daylight so I can handle' — I mean I was getting silly about it. ("I")
Q: Well it's much more far-ranging than you think. (*) In terms of the synch — you're very good at finding synchronicity.
T: Yes.
Q: But once after you've read my book it'll do you much better because I noticed the John Lennon 'Imagine" poster in your office . . .
As we spoke a while more, at one point Tany commented, "This is how we're having lunch today. There are no mistakes." Concerning the sequence of 'signs' she'd observed, I said; "Well you can imagine. If you have this angel—he's in your life—he's doing a lot more for you than you could even imagine." When I mentioned her resemblance to the actress Diane Keaton, she responded: "I get that all the time. I don't get it." Tany always dressed fashionably and today was wearing what is called a 'choker scarf.' Mentioning the possibility of her becoming my publicist if a major publishing company were to take over printing and distribution of Testament, I shared an overview of the book and described some of the unusual circumstances and synchronicity I'd experienced, such as "Around me there are all these people who either have 'Michael' [or some variation] in their name or the word 'son' or 'man' or, of course, the 'el.'"
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